Friday, August 17, 2012
Ode to me

Over the years of being single, I’ve grown to become more and more comfortable in my own skin and I now realise I don’t need a man to complete my life – it’s already complete, thank you very much. If anything, he has to complement it.


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Skyien
1:39 AM 0 comments



Monday, August 13, 2012
love me or hate me. i really don't care

I got sick of looking into the mirror.
The person in the mirror does not reflect who I really am. 

With the long hair, people who don't really know me always assume otherwise.
Without speaking, I can generally pass of as rather demure and soft spoken. 

But when I do speak, people generally stereotype me to the the classic ah lian or bimbo because of the way I look. Sometimes it's easier to just behave that way people. The way people expect you too. There are times, I must admit, behaving bimbotically has it's advantages. For example, people won't expect much from you, you get away with things by laughing yourself silly, etc. 

Okay, I'm digressing. 

This assumption always happens to the guys who wanna date me. Whenever I say I wanna cut my hair short, I'll always be met with strong opposition. It's not difficult to see that these guys are the guys who like me for my looks and nothing else. In simple terms, they wanna fuck me. I'm not saying that I am pretty. But neither am I horrible to look at.

I'm rambling again. 

Anyway, my point is, hopefully with this new haircut, I will keep the guys who think I can be controlled far far farrrr away from me. Sorry, but I am no pushover and I can also pack a punch.


You can love me or you can hate me. You can fuck me or you can date me.
Call me an asshole or call me baby. I don't really care, it's all the same thing.

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Skyien
12:49 AM 0 comments



Sunday, August 12, 2012
last words to you.

You're a childish, coward, lying, narcissistic, irresponsible, immature little prick. Who knew why I wasted any time or tears on you? The little boy who constantly needs mothering. That whinny kid would pout or sulk and fuss when he could never get the things he want.  

You need to grow up already.


I got in everyone's hostile little face. Yes, these are bruises from fighting. 
Yes, I'm comfortable with that. I am enlightened.

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Skyien
1:07 AM 0 comments



Saturday, August 11, 2012
Fax Mentis Incendium Gloriae


Meet the girls. My girls for the past 13 years. 
I've known them since secondary school and it feels like forever. 
My 'Sex and the City' girls: Nurul (Miranda Hobbes), Yusnita (Charlotte York), Skye (Samantha Jones) and Yana (Carrie Bradshaw)


It's the friends you can call up at 4am that matters.


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Skyien
11:00 AM 0 comments



Friday, August 10, 2012
Crush

Okay, I admit.
I'm seriously crushing like a teenage school girl and it's strange. It's been a very very very long time.


26 Feb 2012. The day we met.
Or rather, the day he picked you up.
The meeting was strange. The conversation was strange. Everything is strange.
Strange, very strange indeed.


3 more months till you are back.
I wonder how will all of this play out.
Rock and roll, hey, don't you know baby.
When we're all alone now, give me something to sing about.

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Skyien
1:36 AM 0 comments



Drugs, Drinks, Love


Love me good, love me long, love me numb.
Love me now, till I'm gone, love me none.


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Skyien
12:00 AM 0 comments



Thursday, August 9, 2012
What happened last night?

The girl came home drunk one night.

She stumbled into her room. Took of her clothes and sat on the floor.

Tears welled up in her eyes. Soon, she could not hold the tears and started to cry. Tear drop after tear drop. The stream of tears didn't seem to end. The sobbing grew louder and louder till it woke mother.

Mother didn't know what to do. She knelt there beside her daughter, watching her cry. She didn't know what to say to comfort her. She didn't know what was happening. Her daughter never said anything, she never did.

Mother hugged the naked girl. She didn't say a single thing. There wasn't a need too. She knew that her daughter needed to cry. She needed to vent. She had spent all her time concealing what she really felt till she didn't have control.


Morning came and she finally woke up.

She rubbed her eyes, only to realize that they were swollen and crusty.

She wondered, "what happened last night?"



When you don't know who to hate, you hate yourself


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Skyien
3:37 AM 0 comments



Wednesday, August 8, 2012


We mess up till we get it right.
But I don't wanna end up losing my soul.

I'm smart enough to know that life goes by
and it leaves a trial of broken hearts behind. 

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Skyien
11:30 AM 0 comments



Tuesday, August 7, 2012
Runaway

Ever get that feeling where you just want to stand up, walk out that door and be on the next flight out?

Nowhere in particular. Just away. Away from here. Away from where you are.

Away from everyone, anyone.



Ever get the feeling like you are being trapped?

Trapped in the same cycle. The same routine, day in day out.

You cannot escape from the responsibilities that suffocates.



You can have the world in the palm of your hand,
but it doesn't mean a thing till you change it.


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Skyien
7:50 PM 0 comments



Running away, or running toward?

"4 years already," she asked, "are you running away or towards?"

She replied, "not sure, just running."
Isn't it sad? Isn't it just pathetic?

To know that you have been treated like crap. To know he was playing you like a yo-yo. Stringing you along, taking you for a joy ride. To know you were only a game. To know that to him, you were nothing but a challenge. It was merely a game. A competition among his friends to see who could bag that trophy.  To know that none of it was ever real. Nothing with him was ever real. To know that it really wasn't you. To know that you did nothing wrong but to trust and fall in love with the wrong person. To know that you deserve so much more. To know that you deserve so much better. To know that you deserve to be happy but you still rather cling to the scraps, if any, that he throws at you.

Like a starving animal, begging for scraps of unwanted garbage by the side on the decaying street. How desolate can a person get?

But even after knowing so much, you secretly like the pain. Admit it, you are addicted to the pain. Because without the pain, you don't know what's real anymore. The pain reminds you that it is/was real.

Isn't it true, we are holding onto the pain, because that is all we have left? The pain is the only souvenir we can keep when everything has passed.


Do you ever miss me?
I mean truly, aching in bottom-of-your heart pain, which you just can't ignore?
Because that's how I feel like.
Every. Single. Fucking. Day.

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Skyien
2:09 AM 0 comments



Let ‘er Rip

Thank God I never showed you the real me; you would've ripped me to shreds.

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Skyien
1:00 AM 0 comments



Monday, August 6, 2012
Happy Birthday Little Bird


2 years ago, her friends described her as this: 


She said, "You are no longer in self destruct mode. Just outright destruct and destroy."

He said, "When I first met you, you were fragile. Now, you are completely shattered and all over the floor. "


2 years later, she has perfected the skill of hiding behind her smile.

 How nice. Just keep on smiling, it confuses people.
Even though I've moved on, I still can't unmemory you. 
Happy birthday little bird. 





In that case, what I perceived as his feelings for me
may only really be reflected projections of my feelings for him.

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Skyien
1:00 PM 0 comments



Sunday, August 5, 2012
Walk Away.


I don't regret anything I said or anything we did.
The only thing I regretted is crying over you.
You were not worth my tears.



The answer is simple, you never loved her. You were only using her to fill a void in your life. It's okay. You were never a great friend or lover anyway. The disparity between the mental maturity was simply too great. Opinions of what constitutes to a relationship were far too different. 


But hey, maybe I'll never win. Maybe I'm settling.
But I can't let the devil in, because I'm a comic book heroine. 


"I'm here". 
"Okay, I'll come down. Meet where?"
"The same place."
A familiar shadow slowly approached the empty playground. He sat beside her. He lowered his head and looked at the opposite direction. Not a single word was exchanged. 

There was only silence. Cold empty silence. Neither wanted to say what they already knew, the brutal truth. 

Her icy cold fingers clenched onto her upper thighs as her finger nails dug deep into her skin.  She closed her eyes to fight back the brimming tears. She inhaled another breath of poison. '

“When have you started smoking again?”

The silence was finally broken.


“This is the only way I know how to stop myself from crying.” Her voice shivered.

“You are coughing, you shouldn’t be smoking.”

Silence. There was the silence again. 


She took the cigarette out between her trembling lips. She turned to her side and faced him. He was still avoiding her eyes. You could see he was afraid of looking at her. He could not believe that he who once told her he loved her could be able to treat her so coldly. He who was used to playing the victim, could not believe he himself could hurt another person whom he promised never to hurt. He lied. But he could not face up to his own mistakes. He wanted to believe in his integrity and maturity. He wanted to believe that he had always been truthful and honest. He wanted to believe that he truly loved her and will always care for her, even as a friend. 

A clear trickle rinsed down her pale sunken cheek.  


“The entire time we were together, even when you smoked like a bloody chimney, did you ever once see me smoke?”

“No,” he answered. 

She took in another drag and wiped the tears from her eyes.  

“Precisely. I’m not smoking now because I want to. I’m smoking because I need to. You have left me in such a state and this is the only way I know how to deal with it.”


A breath of white smoke dissipated into dark night. 


 Always there every time you needed me; It ain't love, it's just like nicotine.
You're addicted to a feeling that you could only get from me and your cigarettes. 


 






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Skyien
12:39 PM

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You're on your own.





You had me at hello, you hurt me at goodbye. 



But you lost me the day you didn't look back. 















"You're on your own", he said. She broke. 
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Skyien
12:04 PM

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